"Beauty's an opinion, not a fact. It's in the eye of the beholder.. =) If they love you for who you are then you should feel confident and great, cause that's something that'll never go away =)"

Life's a tough journey, but with you it just makes it a whole lot easier :)

What does being the best at something mean to someone?

Does it give you a sense of pride? Does it make you feel confident? Or its just the fact that youre better than everyone else at it...mhm.

You constantly get bagged out cs youre stupid, that youre not as good as someone else, it makes you feel worthless, shit, insecure.

Who doesnt wish that their brain had a delete button? :)

Currently obsessed with this song... :)

it just somehow makes me feel better, like maybe slightly stronger as a person? :S

"Cry-Rihanna"

For once in my life maybe I'll try act stonger cs I dont want you to see me cry :)

tough sitch 1

"Honesty is the best policy"

Or is it?

Once you tell a lie, it's almost like youre obliged to tell another just to cover up the one you said before. Who hasnt told a lie before...hmm sometimes maybe its better to lie than to tell the truth?

Youre stuck, its a tough situation..how would you handle it?

The mature way to do things would be to tackle it, face first, but then again how many of us would do that?
The simpler, easiest thing to do would be just to avoid it. We can all run away and hide from what is seen as the harshness' of reality, the undeniable truths behind the solid blockages of life.
If you were me, if you were them, what would be your decision?

There will always be loved ones to help guide you, and persuade you into following a particular path, the one that they believe is the safest, best outcome for you..but do they know what you want? They may see, but not necessarily feel, at least theyre real.

How many people do you meet in a lifetime who are real and mean it? =)

"How can you want everything but nothing at the same time?"

Life is filled with unlimited amounts of wants, which counteracts the extent of your needs. If someone didnt want anything..would they still get the same influences in life?

It's these wants, that push you, theyre the drive for you to achieve these wants, they can make you exute powers that you never knew existed. But on the other hand, these wants may influence you to go against all odds, which sometimes might not be what yu wanted in the first place?

Is it me or is it you?

LOL before i get into this blog, i shall mention how much fun me and LOUISE had at my house yesterday and today :) GOSH I LOVE HER SOOO FREAKING MUCH! :) ahaha, stupid 2 left eyes = = LOL


ANYWAYSSSS! i was just thinking..
You see someone who's shy, would yu expect them to be an awesome performer? or even a public speaker?
You see someone who's loud and always the centre of attention, you would think that they like it right?
You see people who you think dress inappropriately/bad/shit/ugly, but does that mean that they are?

What you see can be deceiving...does what you visualise contain the undeniable truth? I guess its up to you to decide :)

WE ALL NEED A BIT OF TLC :)

Ever wondered why US HUMAN BEINGS are such absurd creatures? :S

We will be happy, but not completely satisfied, always wanting more. Nothing just ever seems ENOUGH you know. Even if you feel like it has been the best day of your life, youre still sitting here thinking...it could be better!

Today was fun, me and ankita had a blast :)

Just waiting..waiting for those three words. It's sad, when you think about times that youve shared with really close people, and to know that it may never happen again. It makes me reminisce those days, and I wont take them for granted..you know that one day they'll all leave you, or it might be you leaving them.. So glad im still young-ish :) embracing every moment I have with the people I love :)

You may not believe me, but everytime you think that no one else can feel your pain, they do.

When you feel sad and lonely, just remember, there are people who are feeling the same thing, maybe feeling worse, just remember you ARENT lonely.
We all complain about our lives, we all think we have the worst life ever, and sometimes have even considered death? yeah, it seems stupid now, but your head was so focused on that idea..that you just believed in it.

Youre not lonely, look around..there's me :)

I take one step, youre there
I turn around, youre there
I step forward, there you are
I fall backwards, youre there to watch my back
With you there..even when I fall, i fall softly :)

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again...? LOLOL thats a funny pick-up line ;) quite frankly..i dont believe in love at first sight. I just think that its rather materialistic? like..i reckon, people would just be judging by their looks at first sight? hmm, i dunno actually :P

More than one week of hols has past, and im dreading the thought of going back to school.. I dont understand why some people wana go back..like OMG there's gonna be so much shit to do.
Im gonna plan everyday of my last week, to make sure i get the most out of my last week of hols :) so here we goooooo! cant wait for AUGUST 2009! :)

Do opposites attract? hmm, define opposites? I dunno..i mean, opposites can either have lots to argue about or find a lot of topics to talk about and get along really well?ANSWER UNKNOWN :(
I LOVE HIM. BUT HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME WAYYYY. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT? JUST SIT AND WAIT, JUST WAITING FOR THAT MOMENT :)

Wednesday: ANKITAS coming overrrrr! :) and tutoring :P
Thursday: LOUISE IS SLEEPING OVERRRR! :)
Friday: Maybe movies and tennis? :S
Saturday: GOSH GOTTA WORK!!! :(
Sunday: Family dinner and movies maybe? LOL i hope :)
Monday: unsure

friendships..or any type of relationship

Frienships arent easy to make or have, neither are they easy to maintain. I know friends are meant to be there for you through thick and thin. Be there by your side, when there's something wrong, and even when yu do fight over the littliest things, youre meant to forgive them and move on right. Usually they make you stronger as friends, thats if yu dont hold grudges, i mean friends dont hold grudges right?

"To forgive it calls upon your love. To forget it calls upon your strength"

Just remember..next time, before you have a go at your friend cs youre in a seriously shit mood, just think about how they would feel. Its just so unneccessary..
A good day can turn into a bad, by the littliest things in life that are avoidable. :)

whens enough just ENOUGH?!

okay, that probably didnt make much sense..well, i slept for like 10 hrs today, its one of those days, that it just never seems like enough sleep and the more i get the tireder i get..

i finished reading the book :) (p.s. louise i'll give yu the book now :)) and yeah im a slow reader..i lied when sed i had 20 pages left, it was more like 50! but still..took me forever, idk, now the books finished..dont really have much to do now :( besides maths GRRRRRRR! just feeling so ugh, like seriously, feel so grumpy today, whenever anyone asked anything i just sed it in a tone that was soo agro.

was lying in my bed...THINKING, yeah surprised aye. i just feel so un-confident nowadays, im not looking at the positive anymore, i just cant lie to myself anymore..its never gonna work, i'll just move on, nothings gonna happen, JUST GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FUCKEN HEAD! excuse the language..im just so un-motivated, i need to concentrate on something else, and not someone..MATHS HERE WE GO! :D ive never appreciated my nerdiness that much, my goal to get over 90s again. maybe my goal is simply too high for me to achieve?

DESPERATELY WANA FIND SOMETHING TO KEEP ME MOTIVATED AND THINK STRAIGHT FOR ONCE, SHOULD REALLY STOP TRYING TO ACHIEVE THINGS THAT ARENT POSSIBLE, I MEAN ITS GOOD TO HAVE A GOAL, BUT SOMETHING THATS ACHIEVEBLE WOULD HELPPPPP...

whats happened to this confidence i once used to have? i really dont know..I remember the old me, i havnt changed, ive just gotten older..well sorta lol. i still love my childish movies and stuff, like ice age 3 :) srsly, no one would find it funny anymore..but im just soo immature i guess?
sometimes yu know things..but yu dont need people to spill it out to yur face, cs its just so unneccessary..how come they understand but i dont? :(

It's just soo close now..

It's so close now, im almost finished reading the book, like 20 pages left. really excited. yet, i dont wana read it..i dont really wana find out the end? because it might be dissapointing..

I realised i havnt blogged in a while. OKAY, may not seem like that long, probably isnt. but to me, it feels like forever..maybe it's simply cause there just isnt much to write about anymore..there's nothing good enough or bad enough to write about, which is good :)

Just been going out with friends and watched heapss of movies lately ;) and plan on watching some more. :) IM SOOO HAPPY! :) I worked today, so i didnt go out, and now i have money to go out again :) doubly happy.

plans for next week:
- louise will probably sleep over my house :)
- need to get ankita to come over or im gonna go over her house and start our italian assignment :)
- watch a movie with patty LOL eg. NOT HANNAH MONTANA! :)
- REALLY FEEL LIKE PLAYING TENNIS. hmmm anyone? :)

and most of all, need to start studying maths :) cs i really want to do good this time..:(

swdyta.....? -------> memories

*So what do you think about memories?

I got this idea from the book im reading because you are with me.
man, yu guys should really read it, its so good, even tho i havnt finished yet :(

so anyways, memories..love them or hate them? not that yu can change them now anyways..but still'

Memories are absurd things. Some are vague. Some crystalline. Some too painful to forget.
They can leave you with a smile on your face and make you giggle whenever you think of them, but also make you cry loads and loads.

gosh take a chill pill

man, should really stop thinking about stuff. whats the point thinking ahead..i mean, how do yu know whats gonna happen in the future..sif yu can predict it =( that makes me scared,

but then again, yu should try and prepare yourself for the worst?



i dont want it to hit me, and then i realise whats just happened. i dont want anything. im simply not ready. i need something to keep my mind off things because you are with me, doesnt seem to be helping much, its got me thinking, even more = = but like it has a point? it must be good, to keep me wanting to read it more..considering im NEVER the one to take initiative to want to read a book, thats just f***ed up. :) not a big deal, unless i make it one. im sooo annoying..



^CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: battlefield- Jordin Sparks

swdyta...? ----->change**

** So what do you think about.....CHANGE?

change, is it good or bad? im sure we all have different opinions. Its called change for a reason i guess, but still..'

im not used to change, maybe cs its just so part of your routine/day to day life, that yu dont feel comfortable just changing it. In particular something/someone. I know i think about ........ everyday, when i shouldnt. LOL sounds funny, but like ...... wont change, and i cant change. :(
ITS SO SAD! =(

we all have to move forward one day, maybe its just not the right time yet...for me :) How funny would it be, waking up one day to find that this isnt actually your life? and it was all just a dream..in a way it would make yu upset but happy at the same time? IDK, for some reason, i think im getting more emo-er, sadder, or at least i seem to be sounding like that. which is weird, cs ive never felt better? I just sound emo on my blogs :S retarded? YES.

some things in life i guess you'll just never understand. its shit, but it gives you stuff to think about? good for passing time i guess. lol. actually really tired today, no idea whyy, but ive been sleeping pretty late lately..really want to start/finish reading my book..seems soo good :)

sooo byee everyone (whoever even bothers reading my blog) :)

cant wait

OMG cant wait til tomoro :)

get to see stephen, lol, havent seen him in soo long..and get to meet my 5th aunties daughter? confusing aye, lol..swear i should never ask my mum what i call my connections cs she has no clue either AHAHAHA.

worked for the whole day today..not tired tho :) man, coulda done maths. freaking himmat did sooo freaking much = = AHHH i need to start as well :(

p.s. stephen is my cousin btw, before anyone thinks of something else :)

zodiacs

well, i just couldnt resist posting another blog..i know addict aye.
so zodiacs, whats the deal? does anyone believe in them? are they true? how do they know..:S

hmm maybe its just me, or cs the readings they give you are just so broad that they just make sense or that it fits with everyones life..some might think its stupid to believe in them, but i do. it just somehow works.

It's so unbelievably stupid that people think they know you, when its freaking obvious they dont. yes, that was me. I thought i knew them, but OMG wasnt i sooo wrong. its always the people you least expect to hurt you that hurts you even more..the stuff they say, it just kills.

was watching a bit of princess diaries 2? i think. well either the first or second, but thats not the important part. quote.

"Courage doesnt mean the absence of fear"

Im a person that can laugh really easily, but its also very easy for me to cry. i guess theyre just traits of drama queens..

Do you wake up in the morning, thinking that it'd be a great sunny day, but it just never seems to exist in your world? waking up feeling ugly* and shit. Yelling at anyone and everyone who tries to talk to you then simply blaming it on your tiredness. thats me. I feel so bad for getting moody, and just finding excuses for everything, cs im too scared and lazy to face life. not trying to make my life sound bad..or whatever. so before you go bitching about me, or saying shit about me...BLAH BLAH BLAH go get a life. gosh i sound moody lol.

WHAT IF?! what if what..seriously those words can destroy someones life, okay maybe not quite destroy, but surely make your life worser? (if thats even a word) seriously, so many if this/if that situations in my life that i just dont know what to do. im scared that i'll do things that i'll regret...and who would want that? NOT ME :(

Isnt it awesome to have inside sources sometimes? You can get gossip from people so youre never behind in THAT department..inside sources can be great, but WHEN IT TURNS UGLY, you should be scared, i mean VERY. maybe sometimes there are things that you just dont want to know, but curiosity..at the SAME FREAKING TIME! ah i dont think i can do this for much longer..im such a weakling.

Im a person who will complain, chuck a spaz, laugh hysterically, groan, moan, scream REALLY LOUDLY, punch, kick, talk heapsss, say stupid things, cry, bitch..you name it, and ive probably done it already. im not proud, but im not scared to admit. im a bitch and i know it, but i just cant change..IM SORRY EVERYONE sorry to dissapoint you guys yet again. can never do anything right..oh yeah, probably people are thinking im being a drama queen, trying to seek attention and all that..but seriously i write this blog for me, its not for anyone..and if yu wana read it then go ahead if not then just dont, if yu dont like it, keep it to yourself? cs i dont wana know how shit/gay/crap it is. honestly i dont care..this is like a diary, but i can type faster than i can write..so thats the only reason..THIS BLOG IS SOO FREAKING LONG but i cant seem to stop.

just sometimes im so scared, but sometimes i just get ooozzeesss of confidence :) i scare myself sometimes..by looking in the mirror LOLOL okay dryy = = no one says dry anymore..they say fucken woaw* its weird..but anyways

im bored, i have no life, and cbf to do maths..

eat so much lately, but i feel good :) i understand you sera :P LOL she has introduced me to a new love for food. used to just eat to well feel my stomach? AHAHAHA just like everyone probably..but idk, now i just eat cs it makes me happy.

People have different views, i get that. from now on..i will srsly try not to bitch as much. im not perfect, so why expect others to be as well..Everyone always sees different sides of people that others didnt even know existed. like someone in particular..no one understands why i do, tbh i dnt think i do either..but its just something, they think im stupid. but love isnt a crime, so what did i commit? GOSH CORNY AS.

Looking forward to:

- Anavi's bday party :) gosh i love her soo much

- MOVIES (bruno, ice age 3, harry potter :D_)

- friends coming over my place, me going over theres :P LOL what friends?!!!

- going city with my mummy to meet my 5th aunties daughter :S

so many things that let me down, but yet so many things to look forward to :)

"For every step I take forward, I take two steps back"

Dw jess, i know that no matter what happens you will try and stop this from occurring again. OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW :) im already excited to discover the new me thats waiting to be unfolded. nervous/excitement? OH YEAAHHHH BABEEEYYY ;)

LOVE IT! HATE IT! WHATEVER! :)

YAY HOLIDAYS! :)

for some reason..this just doesnt feel right. it doesnt quite feel like a holiday to me, not even a weekend. i dont think my week or the end of term 2 could finish any......worse. meaning to over-exaggerate, i guess its not like the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE kinda situation, but it just could be soo much better. today was undeniably shit. but at least i have hols to look forward to..

i really need to get my mind off things. what better way than a novel and my maths book =) honestly, i love maths..when im doing maths, i cant think about ANYTHING ELSE, which is awesome. I know what i want, but what do i need? i still remember saying that a while ago, but now even i dont know what i want..and it bugs me.

"because you are with me" - Anna McPartlin
a book that i bought yesterday. its weird cs i would never buy a book, let alone spend my own money on one..i guess i just felt this sudden urge to read..IS IT ANY GOOD? i have absolutely no idea..but the "blurb"(yes sworaaz, not blob = =) lol thanks brad, really caught my eye. I only ever buy books that appeal to me, well duh..im sure thats the same for everyone, but like..i just think i can relate to this book. hopefully after reading this book, it will make me feel better :)

You know that feeling, when you know what yu want to do? but yu just cant. Im REALLY trying not to expect things to go my way now, or not trying to plan things out. cs srsly it never works for me :( ..when i least expect it, something good happens. but its not like yu can just tell yur brain not to expect anything..im cut, deeply :)

LOLOL its soo funny, cs i swear this always happens to me. is it a sign from god? i know im NOT even christian, well not yet, but somehow i still kinda believe in god? if thats possible..:S
i was walking BY MYSELF in the plaza today, shopping around, but i didnt buy anything :) anyways..i kept on telling myself not to think about him..but like then i hear this lady say his name...and OMG = = freaking wth. LOL but it did make me laugh, the inevitable always happens..and its not like its the first time. same thing happened once, when i was reading this book full randomly. trying not to think, next thing. his name is also the name of the main character in the book. how many coincidences can there be....?!

new found love for thursdays :)

well, i used to think that thursdays were shit. the middle of a week, so close to the end, but it wasnt quite..i never looked forward to them, but after today, i now love them :)

today was history excursion, we were going to a jewish museum, doesnt sound that interesting to most people, but it was. the trip there was so fun, lol..felix and lammy were my bus buddies :) we were just mucking around playing cards..and they are so shit. the plan was to get me to shuffle - whoever lost had to shuffle. but somehow it just never happened :)

AHAHAHA FU MAN CHU. in joke between me, lammy and felix :) gosh i love you guyss.
woulda been so boring without yous :P

anyways, i spent the whole last night thinking about something..couldnt really get to sleep but im the only one to blame. I guess she's right, ive been stuck here in the same position for a while..and im not moving forward, even if i desperately want to or need to. I just need to do something..anything. but idk, today might have been a sign? maybe gods trying to tell me something, but i cant tell. it feels weird, uncomfortable. im scared, terrified, it sucks not knowing whats going to happen, i wish i was in control of my life. i should be, but why not? :(

YAYYYY! :)

omg yay, seras coming back to school for a day tomoro :) so excited and anxious to see her, i wonder if shes changed lol, gosh jess its only been like 2 days..I LOVE YOU PRINCESERA :)

but anyways, what i was actually gonna say..or the whole point to this late blog is THAT
i just understood why people say you will look back at your past and laugh at what happened.
i read one of my older blogs today, and its really really really.....GAY like srsly, cant believe how gay i was..it is just unbelievably retarded..thinking i was all that, funny, cool. IT JUST WASNT HAPPENING AYE :( oh well, i srsly couldnt stop laughing at my GAYNESS for one sec.

about to head to bed, after i finish my maths, cs stupid caroline was like OMG yu didnt do that much, thought yu did more, so just to PROVE HER WRONG i will finish this page of induction. :) hard-working, yeaa...nerdy, hardly. i just want to be able to rub it in her face. AHAHAHAHA ABEL. anyways..i honestly didnt do that on purpose, but ABELOUISE if youre reading, pls look at my ingenius blog :) ;)*wink

HOPEFULLY TOMOROS GONNA BE FUNNN CS IM SOO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT RIGHT NOW :)

wdyt?

*what do you think?

silences, that just gives me the opportunity to think about well..stuff. I dont think its a good thing..so many questions running around inside my head, what are the possibilities?

Today was a great day, yet im left unsatisfied..maybe im just asking for too much, or simply just expecting too much out of my day. I cant tell,
Im clueless..what do i want? Im happy, yet i can be happier? does this happen to everyone..:S

Sometimes there are just so many things that annoy me, it bugs the heck outta me, but yet i usually put up with it :) hmmmmmm ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
I hate the times where people have a go at you for something that you "did" and then when you ask them what you did, they say that you should know = = WTF MAN if i freaking knew, do you think that i would be asking T___T but anyways. Sometimes i wish i could understand him/her, but there just seems to be something that stops me from understanding why theyre doing something that i got told off for doing..i honestly dont understand, im not that smart to figure things out by myself. so dont expect so much from me.

If i have no hopes then maybe I wont be let down :) ....dw guys, this isnt meant to be a sad blog, just thoughts. im really content today =)

for some odd reason, i wish this blog could answer all my questions and talk back, but sadly it cant..so i'll just leave it :)

HAVE A GOOD EVENING/NIGHT WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT :)
love yaaasss xoxo

feelings of uncertainty?

Ever thought that no one understood your feelings or understood the REAL you, not even yourself?







....LOL =)

sometimes youre doing things that you think are bizarre, but then youre also wondering why are you doing it then... what are you trying to prove? Dont you just wish sometimes that things never end and will stay that way forever? Some things in life make you so happy, why cant it just stay that way...? So many questions that are left unsaid, maybe theyre just scared of the outcome, or that there's no point, cs it cant be answered anyways so WHY BOTHER?!

PRINCESERA :)

omg sera, i miss you already :( its only been like a day really, but excluding weekends and stuff. science is just so boring without you, no more lame jokes and no more retarded laughs and random talks about nigels facial expressions. miss you have fun at work experience love :)

sa

ilovedaniel

possibilities are endless

hey guyss,
sitting here in front of louise's comp, im just wondering how long does it take to get to know someone inside and out? hmm, no idea honestly. once yu think yu know them, something happens or yu find out something/another side of them that you didnt see before. that makes yu doubt yurself! :(

is it possible to "know" someone after one week or what not?! i swear im a question girl, i ask soo many questions, its just neverending, even tho my teachers say its a good thing to ask, but when is it just tooo much? sorry guys, last day of work experience tomoro ;) gosh im excited, its gonna be AMAZING! but i will miss the kids and some other people LOL :P

perfection?

perfection? what does this word really mean?

today was the 3rd day of work experience :) i started getting a little tired after the first day, but for some odd reason im not as tired today, maybe cs im happy :D it was so much fun, me and louise and abel. LOL ;) AHAHAHA anyways, louise will understand why im laughing :)

KFC?! NO ONE EVER EAT IT AGAIN! Im so surprised at the ramifications of food poisoning..never knew how much damage it could do to someone's life. I met this girl today, her name is Monika, its sad because due to some stupid error in the KFC's kitchen or whatever, she got food poisoning, and is now permanently brain damaged. WTF MAN, thats how it ruined her life. It's just so effing stupid, knowing that this mistake couldve been prevented. IT WAS SO UNECCESSARY!!! these kids are my inspiration, i will now get over my fucken so called problems and realise its nothing compared to theirs. just not even comparable. my "problems" are so minute, i just feel stupid now.

but anyways, after all that..i had soo much fun today..work experience was so much fun ;)

okay guys, byee, REMEMBER: BE SAFE :)
cant wait to go to school tomoro :)