FINALLY!

Wow, it seems like agess since ive last posted a blog :)

just got most of the important school cert papers done, and its almost time to chill and relax :)
formals coming up! i wasnt quite interested or excited about it before..but now im starting to get excited! maybe it's just one of those things that girls look forward to..

dont have much to say right now lol. but i shall post later someday.. :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUISE!

Dear Louise,
My bestest friend in the whole world :) HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY LOUISE! I hope yu read this lol. Just wanted to dedicate this blog to you ahahaha, i havnt blogged in a while. I LOVE YOU! ;) and youre finally legal. like O-M-G :O

This book is truly...

...AMAZING!

okay. so anyone who knows me, would know that i dislike reading, like srsly..maybe im just simply too lazy and fall asleep if a book doesnt seem to be catching my attention. Is it possible for someone to change you without even realising? yes. it sure is. well, maybe you wont realise it now, but certain characteristics of certain "special" people, DO change the way i act. Is it a good thing? Im not quite sure. some say it is, some say it isnt. who's to decide what is and not right? Louise is right, seeing things from different points of views makes you realise youre not the "ONLY" one, going through certain obstacles in life, EVERYONE does.

Is it stupid to feel an emotion that doesnt really exist? It doesnt make sense aye? well, yeah..im just trying to sound smart but it doesnt make sense LOL. How many times do i use the word LOL but actually mean it? AHAHAHA LOL. I know i dont actually LAUGH OUT LOUD, but i do have a little giggle, at my lameness. idk, i guess seeing the word lol makes me happy. when someone says lol it just brings a smile to my face. YEA, its that easy to please me. :)

SO ANYWAYS, the book im reading is called "It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be."
so far, so good. this book is the source of my positivity. it makes me lol and :)

alright, i shall stop being gay now. byeee :D

If only everyday was as good as the best moments in my life. If only i could pause and rewind time, wouldnt life be such an awesome place to be in :) But, then when i think about it...its the bad and alright days which make the GOOD stand out :)

Even when my days arent the best, I have friends that will always love me..even tho i can be a bitch at times. Some people are just always there, they make my day special and they make me feel special :) i couldnt appreciate them anymore than i already do. awwww, i feel emotional while writing ths blog lol. this is just a random blog to say thank you to everyone for being there for me and i love you guys soo much :)

Are you judgemental?

do you choose who you like and not like straight away..

A lot of us do that, you may not know it now or ever, but most likely you do. I understand why, thats me as well. A lot of the times you dont like people either for looks or personality. You might no understand him, but he's a good person :) If only people could only see the good sides of certain people, there would be less hate and more love :)

LOL im working with sulin..G tomoro :) how fun will that be?! CANT WAIT! love you haha =)
Im really happy atm, but im doing my essay..
I also realised, you dont know who you get along with til you explore and talk with others. Even though at first you may seem completely different, but eventually you will get out of your comfort zone and discover things and people yu never thought youd like. BUT YOU DO :D

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HHHHHHAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY!
if you couldnt tell lolololololololollololool! :L

scars on the outside are easy to see..but what about the ones on the inside?

at least the scars on the inside CAN sorta be fixed right? but the ones on the outside may stay with you forever. Its a lesson. A lesson that one shall learn. LOL thats cs at work today, i accidently burnt my arm on the oven, stupid me..but at least now, i shall remember to NEVER do it again. cs it hurts haha.

I need to finish my assignments, there are soo many due man, i really dont wana fail this year..im actually gonna try and do good. :) It will be tough, but its something im gonna encourage myself to achieve. lol.

Have a nice weekend everyone :) byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Is it possible to not judge anyone at all..?

I dont think so, as much as you tried, you cant really stop yourself from judging anyone. The best you can do, is judge someone, but theyre positive, nice judgements? Everyone picks favourites, fact of life. Do you know what it feels like, to be the last person picked?

In team games, your always the last person being picked, who knows why..
In a pack of skittles..you pick the one's you like first. unless you eat them all at the same time LOL.

what a beautiful day..

....for 15 kms of walking :)
I feel proud to have finished walking, considering im not the type of person who usually does exercise, i love walkathon..it was fun :) Sarah and I, took the last couple of steps into the gate, put our arms up and screamed YESSS! but then we realised, we still had to walk down to the steps LOL. It was hilarious. :L

Im tired, but i love that feeling, i feel good man. Im so glad that i ended up coming, cant wait til next year! :)

Its so stupid sometimes, how its not what is being said, but who says it.. Its irratating, annoying, retarded. If someone "cool" says it, its considered fine, once someone who's "gay" says it, its automatically used against them and turns into something big/major. ARGHHHH problems are only bigger when you let them become bigger..

Currently excited for:

WALKATHON!

cant wait! even tho we have to walk 15kms and im so butt damn lazy, i bet its gonna be worth it and i'll feel good for doing exercise. Prince Sera and I had this awesome idea to have a picnic :) so YUMMMMYYYYY! im so gonna get fat, but oh well :)

there are so many things i dont understand..I dont like changing, a lot of things just become a part of my life, and its hard to just suddenly change that. I know some things are probably better for me to just cut them out, but its just too hard too hard to let go. When i think of a reason why they should stay a part of my life, i cant really think of any, but instead i think of excuses. BUT, WHAT IF? :S

decisions, decisions, decisions

what to do and what not to do?

I dont know, im so crap at making decisions, maybe its partially the case of me being a pussy and too scared to accept whatever outcome there is. I dont want to face the bad, why would anyone?

I wish someone coulf guide me through every step of my life, tell me what to do. But, once i face reality, i realise thats not possible. They may think thats whats best for me, but i dont know that, and neither do they.

But enough said, i love my life right now, and i wouldnt wana change it at all :)

i havnt blogged in a while..so now once ive started blogging again, im blogging a lot..lol.

First of all, i wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY RHI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! :)

and now i just wanted to say, sometimes its not the things that you do that make you happy, but its who youre doing it with..it's the simple things that make me smile and laugh. Good memories :)

Sometimes i just wished that..

..all the effort that i put into things ACTUALLY paid off.

I know i shouldnt be expecting things, cs i know i tend to be left empty-handed. Like for this maths test for example, i tried so hard, put in all the effort, thought i had i this time, finally going to get the magical 90 which ive been aiming for, for a while now. But no..it just didnt happen, some people get it easy, they dont need to put in as much work as me and still get a good result. But this isnt a sign of giving up, i'll just try harder for the next one. :) I think ive learnt not to care about certain things as much anymore. Thought i would be excited to know that Gurpearl is human as well, and that he DIDNT get 100% again, but when i found out it was just a meh.. I guess i shouldnt get excited over Gurpearl getting shit, cs he's still better than me, wouldnt even call that shit anyways..

Seeing people fail doesnt make you feel better..Putting people down wont make you a better person and most of all, the reason why youre putting them down is because you cant hack your own life so you wana ruin someone elses to make yourself feel more superior. People who usually beat you suddenly do worse than you, but you shouldnt feel good because you beat them and you didnt think you could. You beat them cs they had a bad day, not because you did good. NOTE TO SELF: Dont rely on other peoples mistakes to become pushing force!

School actually doesnt seem that bad so far this week..I know its only been 2 days and ive got a tonne of assignments. But i just feel so carefree ad happy..but yet there's this one thing that i dont understand. AHAHAHA makes me laugh kinda actually, guys just seem to have split personalities when theyre around me, the one who im with by myself and the one who's acting differently when there are others around. I just get this feeling of embarrassment. Maybe im just thinking too much now..ah dont think about it jess :)

"Always expect the unexpected"

Always think...

...before you say or do, put yourself in the others shoes.

Sometimes words come out of your mouth, and you dont realise what it could do. What will be the consequences, the ramifications. Sometimes its too late to go back. Dont let these chances take over you life, try and not let it happen.

But what if thats just how you are? You never think before you say..it's just natural?

"They may forget what you said or did. But, they will remember how you made them feel."

People put others down to make themselves feel better, or it's just simply the actions of jealousy. You dont have what they have, so why not make them feel like shit. Sorry Gurpearl, i dont hate you, im just jealous of your geniusness towards maths. In a way, i wish i could be like you. lol seriously... :(

gosh nigga

LOL SERA :) i swear we do such weir things together *not sexually - - LOL anyways, all the random wanna-be nigga talks and lolly wars. youre soo much fun and i love you heaps :)

Just because..

it's the littlest things in life which make you smile... =)

So, well for sport today, the other school forfeited, *DUH! cs theyre scared of us! so the whole group of grade soccer decided to stay at school and play AUSTAG! LOL louise - - *where you pull the tag btw. AHAHAHA anyways..love you man, although she did score 2 awesomeee tries :)

OKAY SO POINT IS, i was watching the guys play, and they just seemed so serious, so intense, so INTO the game. while us girls, were mucking around..screaming for our lives lol. I guess girls will always be girls. It's always the littlest things in life which make you happy, which make you smile and laugh. Maybe its the people i was surrounded with. But then its always the little things that make you upset, pissed and angry. WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN? i mean logically it doesnt make sense..but somehow it does as well? WTFFFF ! :S ah im confused, but i guess sometimes i like it that way.

"Doesnt everybody want to fall in love?"

WOW!

okay, this may be lame..but i thought of a joke, and its dedicated to the very awesome sera..
OKAY HERE IT GOES!

Q: What was the name of the pirate?
A: ser-arrrgggghhhhh!

AHAHAHA ROFLMAOOOO! sorry, this made me laugh :L

OMG GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS?!

ARRRRRGHHHHHH! omg finally sera is growing up!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERRAAAA! another blog dedicated to you and your existence :)
I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH BABE! 15?! seems old, but yet youre still young :D

have a great day, and i love you and omg i saw your vid on blogspot = = oh so very cool, verry sera like lol, i bursted into tears :( I LOVE YOU PRINCE SERAAAA!

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY SERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ;)

If today was your last day

What would you do? I know a lot of us take things for granted, you dont know what it feels like til youve lost it. You may think your life's shit right now, not getting what you wanted, but think back and you'll realise that it may have been better not having it than having it and losing it. Cause i would. We all reminisce about the past and dream about the future. Whats going to be along the road standing there right before our own eyes? We dont know, who knows if there will even be a tommorow, sometimes events happen on rare occasions. I think its a sign.

Why is it that someone decides to change for the better and everyone finds it weird? Honestly, i know i find it weird when someones being particularly nice to me, it feels strange..but in a nice way. Dont judge a book by its cover! This is now my new life motto, Im gonna ditch the old insecurities and assumed opinions. Instead embrace the love around me, cause I can learn from everyone and anyone, they all have this unique aura surrounding them.

Nothing in life is 100% guaranteed, so is death inevitable?

"Beauty's an opinion, not a fact. It's in the eye of the beholder.. =) If they love you for who you are then you should feel confident and great, cause that's something that'll never go away =)"

Life's a tough journey, but with you it just makes it a whole lot easier :)

What does being the best at something mean to someone?

Does it give you a sense of pride? Does it make you feel confident? Or its just the fact that youre better than everyone else at it...mhm.

You constantly get bagged out cs youre stupid, that youre not as good as someone else, it makes you feel worthless, shit, insecure.

Who doesnt wish that their brain had a delete button? :)

Currently obsessed with this song... :)

it just somehow makes me feel better, like maybe slightly stronger as a person? :S

"Cry-Rihanna"

For once in my life maybe I'll try act stonger cs I dont want you to see me cry :)

tough sitch 1

"Honesty is the best policy"

Or is it?

Once you tell a lie, it's almost like youre obliged to tell another just to cover up the one you said before. Who hasnt told a lie before...hmm sometimes maybe its better to lie than to tell the truth?

Youre stuck, its a tough situation..how would you handle it?

The mature way to do things would be to tackle it, face first, but then again how many of us would do that?
The simpler, easiest thing to do would be just to avoid it. We can all run away and hide from what is seen as the harshness' of reality, the undeniable truths behind the solid blockages of life.
If you were me, if you were them, what would be your decision?

There will always be loved ones to help guide you, and persuade you into following a particular path, the one that they believe is the safest, best outcome for you..but do they know what you want? They may see, but not necessarily feel, at least theyre real.

How many people do you meet in a lifetime who are real and mean it? =)

"How can you want everything but nothing at the same time?"

Life is filled with unlimited amounts of wants, which counteracts the extent of your needs. If someone didnt want anything..would they still get the same influences in life?

It's these wants, that push you, theyre the drive for you to achieve these wants, they can make you exute powers that you never knew existed. But on the other hand, these wants may influence you to go against all odds, which sometimes might not be what yu wanted in the first place?

Is it me or is it you?

LOL before i get into this blog, i shall mention how much fun me and LOUISE had at my house yesterday and today :) GOSH I LOVE HER SOOO FREAKING MUCH! :) ahaha, stupid 2 left eyes = = LOL


ANYWAYSSSS! i was just thinking..
You see someone who's shy, would yu expect them to be an awesome performer? or even a public speaker?
You see someone who's loud and always the centre of attention, you would think that they like it right?
You see people who you think dress inappropriately/bad/shit/ugly, but does that mean that they are?

What you see can be deceiving...does what you visualise contain the undeniable truth? I guess its up to you to decide :)

WE ALL NEED A BIT OF TLC :)

Ever wondered why US HUMAN BEINGS are such absurd creatures? :S

We will be happy, but not completely satisfied, always wanting more. Nothing just ever seems ENOUGH you know. Even if you feel like it has been the best day of your life, youre still sitting here thinking...it could be better!

Today was fun, me and ankita had a blast :)

Just waiting..waiting for those three words. It's sad, when you think about times that youve shared with really close people, and to know that it may never happen again. It makes me reminisce those days, and I wont take them for granted..you know that one day they'll all leave you, or it might be you leaving them.. So glad im still young-ish :) embracing every moment I have with the people I love :)

You may not believe me, but everytime you think that no one else can feel your pain, they do.

When you feel sad and lonely, just remember, there are people who are feeling the same thing, maybe feeling worse, just remember you ARENT lonely.
We all complain about our lives, we all think we have the worst life ever, and sometimes have even considered death? yeah, it seems stupid now, but your head was so focused on that idea..that you just believed in it.

Youre not lonely, look around..there's me :)

I take one step, youre there
I turn around, youre there
I step forward, there you are
I fall backwards, youre there to watch my back
With you there..even when I fall, i fall softly :)

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again...? LOLOL thats a funny pick-up line ;) quite frankly..i dont believe in love at first sight. I just think that its rather materialistic? like..i reckon, people would just be judging by their looks at first sight? hmm, i dunno actually :P

More than one week of hols has past, and im dreading the thought of going back to school.. I dont understand why some people wana go back..like OMG there's gonna be so much shit to do.
Im gonna plan everyday of my last week, to make sure i get the most out of my last week of hols :) so here we goooooo! cant wait for AUGUST 2009! :)

Do opposites attract? hmm, define opposites? I dunno..i mean, opposites can either have lots to argue about or find a lot of topics to talk about and get along really well?ANSWER UNKNOWN :(
I LOVE HIM. BUT HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME WAYYYY. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT? JUST SIT AND WAIT, JUST WAITING FOR THAT MOMENT :)

Wednesday: ANKITAS coming overrrrr! :) and tutoring :P
Thursday: LOUISE IS SLEEPING OVERRRR! :)
Friday: Maybe movies and tennis? :S
Saturday: GOSH GOTTA WORK!!! :(
Sunday: Family dinner and movies maybe? LOL i hope :)
Monday: unsure

friendships..or any type of relationship

Frienships arent easy to make or have, neither are they easy to maintain. I know friends are meant to be there for you through thick and thin. Be there by your side, when there's something wrong, and even when yu do fight over the littliest things, youre meant to forgive them and move on right. Usually they make you stronger as friends, thats if yu dont hold grudges, i mean friends dont hold grudges right?

"To forgive it calls upon your love. To forget it calls upon your strength"

Just remember..next time, before you have a go at your friend cs youre in a seriously shit mood, just think about how they would feel. Its just so unneccessary..
A good day can turn into a bad, by the littliest things in life that are avoidable. :)

whens enough just ENOUGH?!

okay, that probably didnt make much sense..well, i slept for like 10 hrs today, its one of those days, that it just never seems like enough sleep and the more i get the tireder i get..

i finished reading the book :) (p.s. louise i'll give yu the book now :)) and yeah im a slow reader..i lied when sed i had 20 pages left, it was more like 50! but still..took me forever, idk, now the books finished..dont really have much to do now :( besides maths GRRRRRRR! just feeling so ugh, like seriously, feel so grumpy today, whenever anyone asked anything i just sed it in a tone that was soo agro.

was lying in my bed...THINKING, yeah surprised aye. i just feel so un-confident nowadays, im not looking at the positive anymore, i just cant lie to myself anymore..its never gonna work, i'll just move on, nothings gonna happen, JUST GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FUCKEN HEAD! excuse the language..im just so un-motivated, i need to concentrate on something else, and not someone..MATHS HERE WE GO! :D ive never appreciated my nerdiness that much, my goal to get over 90s again. maybe my goal is simply too high for me to achieve?

DESPERATELY WANA FIND SOMETHING TO KEEP ME MOTIVATED AND THINK STRAIGHT FOR ONCE, SHOULD REALLY STOP TRYING TO ACHIEVE THINGS THAT ARENT POSSIBLE, I MEAN ITS GOOD TO HAVE A GOAL, BUT SOMETHING THATS ACHIEVEBLE WOULD HELPPPPP...

whats happened to this confidence i once used to have? i really dont know..I remember the old me, i havnt changed, ive just gotten older..well sorta lol. i still love my childish movies and stuff, like ice age 3 :) srsly, no one would find it funny anymore..but im just soo immature i guess?
sometimes yu know things..but yu dont need people to spill it out to yur face, cs its just so unneccessary..how come they understand but i dont? :(

It's just soo close now..

It's so close now, im almost finished reading the book, like 20 pages left. really excited. yet, i dont wana read it..i dont really wana find out the end? because it might be dissapointing..

I realised i havnt blogged in a while. OKAY, may not seem like that long, probably isnt. but to me, it feels like forever..maybe it's simply cause there just isnt much to write about anymore..there's nothing good enough or bad enough to write about, which is good :)

Just been going out with friends and watched heapss of movies lately ;) and plan on watching some more. :) IM SOOO HAPPY! :) I worked today, so i didnt go out, and now i have money to go out again :) doubly happy.

plans for next week:
- louise will probably sleep over my house :)
- need to get ankita to come over or im gonna go over her house and start our italian assignment :)
- watch a movie with patty LOL eg. NOT HANNAH MONTANA! :)
- REALLY FEEL LIKE PLAYING TENNIS. hmmm anyone? :)

and most of all, need to start studying maths :) cs i really want to do good this time..:(

swdyta.....? -------> memories

*So what do you think about memories?

I got this idea from the book im reading because you are with me.
man, yu guys should really read it, its so good, even tho i havnt finished yet :(

so anyways, memories..love them or hate them? not that yu can change them now anyways..but still'

Memories are absurd things. Some are vague. Some crystalline. Some too painful to forget.
They can leave you with a smile on your face and make you giggle whenever you think of them, but also make you cry loads and loads.

gosh take a chill pill

man, should really stop thinking about stuff. whats the point thinking ahead..i mean, how do yu know whats gonna happen in the future..sif yu can predict it =( that makes me scared,

but then again, yu should try and prepare yourself for the worst?



i dont want it to hit me, and then i realise whats just happened. i dont want anything. im simply not ready. i need something to keep my mind off things because you are with me, doesnt seem to be helping much, its got me thinking, even more = = but like it has a point? it must be good, to keep me wanting to read it more..considering im NEVER the one to take initiative to want to read a book, thats just f***ed up. :) not a big deal, unless i make it one. im sooo annoying..



^CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: battlefield- Jordin Sparks

swdyta...? ----->change**

** So what do you think about.....CHANGE?

change, is it good or bad? im sure we all have different opinions. Its called change for a reason i guess, but still..'

im not used to change, maybe cs its just so part of your routine/day to day life, that yu dont feel comfortable just changing it. In particular something/someone. I know i think about ........ everyday, when i shouldnt. LOL sounds funny, but like ...... wont change, and i cant change. :(
ITS SO SAD! =(

we all have to move forward one day, maybe its just not the right time yet...for me :) How funny would it be, waking up one day to find that this isnt actually your life? and it was all just a dream..in a way it would make yu upset but happy at the same time? IDK, for some reason, i think im getting more emo-er, sadder, or at least i seem to be sounding like that. which is weird, cs ive never felt better? I just sound emo on my blogs :S retarded? YES.

some things in life i guess you'll just never understand. its shit, but it gives you stuff to think about? good for passing time i guess. lol. actually really tired today, no idea whyy, but ive been sleeping pretty late lately..really want to start/finish reading my book..seems soo good :)

sooo byee everyone (whoever even bothers reading my blog) :)

cant wait

OMG cant wait til tomoro :)

get to see stephen, lol, havent seen him in soo long..and get to meet my 5th aunties daughter? confusing aye, lol..swear i should never ask my mum what i call my connections cs she has no clue either AHAHAHA.

worked for the whole day today..not tired tho :) man, coulda done maths. freaking himmat did sooo freaking much = = AHHH i need to start as well :(

p.s. stephen is my cousin btw, before anyone thinks of something else :)

zodiacs

well, i just couldnt resist posting another blog..i know addict aye.
so zodiacs, whats the deal? does anyone believe in them? are they true? how do they know..:S

hmm maybe its just me, or cs the readings they give you are just so broad that they just make sense or that it fits with everyones life..some might think its stupid to believe in them, but i do. it just somehow works.

It's so unbelievably stupid that people think they know you, when its freaking obvious they dont. yes, that was me. I thought i knew them, but OMG wasnt i sooo wrong. its always the people you least expect to hurt you that hurts you even more..the stuff they say, it just kills.

was watching a bit of princess diaries 2? i think. well either the first or second, but thats not the important part. quote.

"Courage doesnt mean the absence of fear"

Im a person that can laugh really easily, but its also very easy for me to cry. i guess theyre just traits of drama queens..

Do you wake up in the morning, thinking that it'd be a great sunny day, but it just never seems to exist in your world? waking up feeling ugly* and shit. Yelling at anyone and everyone who tries to talk to you then simply blaming it on your tiredness. thats me. I feel so bad for getting moody, and just finding excuses for everything, cs im too scared and lazy to face life. not trying to make my life sound bad..or whatever. so before you go bitching about me, or saying shit about me...BLAH BLAH BLAH go get a life. gosh i sound moody lol.

WHAT IF?! what if what..seriously those words can destroy someones life, okay maybe not quite destroy, but surely make your life worser? (if thats even a word) seriously, so many if this/if that situations in my life that i just dont know what to do. im scared that i'll do things that i'll regret...and who would want that? NOT ME :(

Isnt it awesome to have inside sources sometimes? You can get gossip from people so youre never behind in THAT department..inside sources can be great, but WHEN IT TURNS UGLY, you should be scared, i mean VERY. maybe sometimes there are things that you just dont want to know, but curiosity..at the SAME FREAKING TIME! ah i dont think i can do this for much longer..im such a weakling.

Im a person who will complain, chuck a spaz, laugh hysterically, groan, moan, scream REALLY LOUDLY, punch, kick, talk heapsss, say stupid things, cry, bitch..you name it, and ive probably done it already. im not proud, but im not scared to admit. im a bitch and i know it, but i just cant change..IM SORRY EVERYONE sorry to dissapoint you guys yet again. can never do anything right..oh yeah, probably people are thinking im being a drama queen, trying to seek attention and all that..but seriously i write this blog for me, its not for anyone..and if yu wana read it then go ahead if not then just dont, if yu dont like it, keep it to yourself? cs i dont wana know how shit/gay/crap it is. honestly i dont care..this is like a diary, but i can type faster than i can write..so thats the only reason..THIS BLOG IS SOO FREAKING LONG but i cant seem to stop.

just sometimes im so scared, but sometimes i just get ooozzeesss of confidence :) i scare myself sometimes..by looking in the mirror LOLOL okay dryy = = no one says dry anymore..they say fucken woaw* its weird..but anyways

im bored, i have no life, and cbf to do maths..

eat so much lately, but i feel good :) i understand you sera :P LOL she has introduced me to a new love for food. used to just eat to well feel my stomach? AHAHAHA just like everyone probably..but idk, now i just eat cs it makes me happy.

People have different views, i get that. from now on..i will srsly try not to bitch as much. im not perfect, so why expect others to be as well..Everyone always sees different sides of people that others didnt even know existed. like someone in particular..no one understands why i do, tbh i dnt think i do either..but its just something, they think im stupid. but love isnt a crime, so what did i commit? GOSH CORNY AS.

Looking forward to:

- Anavi's bday party :) gosh i love her soo much

- MOVIES (bruno, ice age 3, harry potter :D_)

- friends coming over my place, me going over theres :P LOL what friends?!!!

- going city with my mummy to meet my 5th aunties daughter :S

so many things that let me down, but yet so many things to look forward to :)

"For every step I take forward, I take two steps back"

Dw jess, i know that no matter what happens you will try and stop this from occurring again. OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW :) im already excited to discover the new me thats waiting to be unfolded. nervous/excitement? OH YEAAHHHH BABEEEYYY ;)

LOVE IT! HATE IT! WHATEVER! :)

YAY HOLIDAYS! :)

for some reason..this just doesnt feel right. it doesnt quite feel like a holiday to me, not even a weekend. i dont think my week or the end of term 2 could finish any......worse. meaning to over-exaggerate, i guess its not like the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE kinda situation, but it just could be soo much better. today was undeniably shit. but at least i have hols to look forward to..

i really need to get my mind off things. what better way than a novel and my maths book =) honestly, i love maths..when im doing maths, i cant think about ANYTHING ELSE, which is awesome. I know what i want, but what do i need? i still remember saying that a while ago, but now even i dont know what i want..and it bugs me.

"because you are with me" - Anna McPartlin
a book that i bought yesterday. its weird cs i would never buy a book, let alone spend my own money on one..i guess i just felt this sudden urge to read..IS IT ANY GOOD? i have absolutely no idea..but the "blurb"(yes sworaaz, not blob = =) lol thanks brad, really caught my eye. I only ever buy books that appeal to me, well duh..im sure thats the same for everyone, but like..i just think i can relate to this book. hopefully after reading this book, it will make me feel better :)

You know that feeling, when you know what yu want to do? but yu just cant. Im REALLY trying not to expect things to go my way now, or not trying to plan things out. cs srsly it never works for me :( ..when i least expect it, something good happens. but its not like yu can just tell yur brain not to expect anything..im cut, deeply :)

LOLOL its soo funny, cs i swear this always happens to me. is it a sign from god? i know im NOT even christian, well not yet, but somehow i still kinda believe in god? if thats possible..:S
i was walking BY MYSELF in the plaza today, shopping around, but i didnt buy anything :) anyways..i kept on telling myself not to think about him..but like then i hear this lady say his name...and OMG = = freaking wth. LOL but it did make me laugh, the inevitable always happens..and its not like its the first time. same thing happened once, when i was reading this book full randomly. trying not to think, next thing. his name is also the name of the main character in the book. how many coincidences can there be....?!

new found love for thursdays :)

well, i used to think that thursdays were shit. the middle of a week, so close to the end, but it wasnt quite..i never looked forward to them, but after today, i now love them :)

today was history excursion, we were going to a jewish museum, doesnt sound that interesting to most people, but it was. the trip there was so fun, lol..felix and lammy were my bus buddies :) we were just mucking around playing cards..and they are so shit. the plan was to get me to shuffle - whoever lost had to shuffle. but somehow it just never happened :)

AHAHAHA FU MAN CHU. in joke between me, lammy and felix :) gosh i love you guyss.
woulda been so boring without yous :P

anyways, i spent the whole last night thinking about something..couldnt really get to sleep but im the only one to blame. I guess she's right, ive been stuck here in the same position for a while..and im not moving forward, even if i desperately want to or need to. I just need to do something..anything. but idk, today might have been a sign? maybe gods trying to tell me something, but i cant tell. it feels weird, uncomfortable. im scared, terrified, it sucks not knowing whats going to happen, i wish i was in control of my life. i should be, but why not? :(

YAYYYY! :)

omg yay, seras coming back to school for a day tomoro :) so excited and anxious to see her, i wonder if shes changed lol, gosh jess its only been like 2 days..I LOVE YOU PRINCESERA :)

but anyways, what i was actually gonna say..or the whole point to this late blog is THAT
i just understood why people say you will look back at your past and laugh at what happened.
i read one of my older blogs today, and its really really really.....GAY like srsly, cant believe how gay i was..it is just unbelievably retarded..thinking i was all that, funny, cool. IT JUST WASNT HAPPENING AYE :( oh well, i srsly couldnt stop laughing at my GAYNESS for one sec.

about to head to bed, after i finish my maths, cs stupid caroline was like OMG yu didnt do that much, thought yu did more, so just to PROVE HER WRONG i will finish this page of induction. :) hard-working, yeaa...nerdy, hardly. i just want to be able to rub it in her face. AHAHAHAHA ABEL. anyways..i honestly didnt do that on purpose, but ABELOUISE if youre reading, pls look at my ingenius blog :) ;)*wink

HOPEFULLY TOMOROS GONNA BE FUNNN CS IM SOO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT RIGHT NOW :)

wdyt?

*what do you think?

silences, that just gives me the opportunity to think about well..stuff. I dont think its a good thing..so many questions running around inside my head, what are the possibilities?

Today was a great day, yet im left unsatisfied..maybe im just asking for too much, or simply just expecting too much out of my day. I cant tell,
Im clueless..what do i want? Im happy, yet i can be happier? does this happen to everyone..:S

Sometimes there are just so many things that annoy me, it bugs the heck outta me, but yet i usually put up with it :) hmmmmmm ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
I hate the times where people have a go at you for something that you "did" and then when you ask them what you did, they say that you should know = = WTF MAN if i freaking knew, do you think that i would be asking T___T but anyways. Sometimes i wish i could understand him/her, but there just seems to be something that stops me from understanding why theyre doing something that i got told off for doing..i honestly dont understand, im not that smart to figure things out by myself. so dont expect so much from me.

If i have no hopes then maybe I wont be let down :) ....dw guys, this isnt meant to be a sad blog, just thoughts. im really content today =)

for some odd reason, i wish this blog could answer all my questions and talk back, but sadly it cant..so i'll just leave it :)

HAVE A GOOD EVENING/NIGHT WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT :)
love yaaasss xoxo

feelings of uncertainty?

Ever thought that no one understood your feelings or understood the REAL you, not even yourself?







....LOL =)

sometimes youre doing things that you think are bizarre, but then youre also wondering why are you doing it then... what are you trying to prove? Dont you just wish sometimes that things never end and will stay that way forever? Some things in life make you so happy, why cant it just stay that way...? So many questions that are left unsaid, maybe theyre just scared of the outcome, or that there's no point, cs it cant be answered anyways so WHY BOTHER?!

PRINCESERA :)

omg sera, i miss you already :( its only been like a day really, but excluding weekends and stuff. science is just so boring without you, no more lame jokes and no more retarded laughs and random talks about nigels facial expressions. miss you have fun at work experience love :)

sa

ilovedaniel

possibilities are endless

hey guyss,
sitting here in front of louise's comp, im just wondering how long does it take to get to know someone inside and out? hmm, no idea honestly. once yu think yu know them, something happens or yu find out something/another side of them that you didnt see before. that makes yu doubt yurself! :(

is it possible to "know" someone after one week or what not?! i swear im a question girl, i ask soo many questions, its just neverending, even tho my teachers say its a good thing to ask, but when is it just tooo much? sorry guys, last day of work experience tomoro ;) gosh im excited, its gonna be AMAZING! but i will miss the kids and some other people LOL :P

perfection?

perfection? what does this word really mean?

today was the 3rd day of work experience :) i started getting a little tired after the first day, but for some odd reason im not as tired today, maybe cs im happy :D it was so much fun, me and louise and abel. LOL ;) AHAHAHA anyways, louise will understand why im laughing :)

KFC?! NO ONE EVER EAT IT AGAIN! Im so surprised at the ramifications of food poisoning..never knew how much damage it could do to someone's life. I met this girl today, her name is Monika, its sad because due to some stupid error in the KFC's kitchen or whatever, she got food poisoning, and is now permanently brain damaged. WTF MAN, thats how it ruined her life. It's just so effing stupid, knowing that this mistake couldve been prevented. IT WAS SO UNECCESSARY!!! these kids are my inspiration, i will now get over my fucken so called problems and realise its nothing compared to theirs. just not even comparable. my "problems" are so minute, i just feel stupid now.

but anyways, after all that..i had soo much fun today..work experience was so much fun ;)

okay guys, byee, REMEMBER: BE SAFE :)
cant wait to go to school tomoro :)

FIRST DAY OF WORK EXPERIENCE :)

hey guys,

so i lieed...said i wasnt gonna blog, but just couldnt resist :) you guys are just wayyy too awesome :P

so first day of work experience, pretty cool and there are soo many cute little kids, ah felt so emotional..HOPEFULLY TOMORO WILL BE THE SAME :)

last blog for a short period of time :)

hey guyss,

well today i went to get a haircut, and now i have SHORT HAIR :) not that exciting for yu guyss, but it is for me. At first i was pretty upset, but then my mum told me to shut up and stop complaining so thats what i did :) gosh i love my mummy. so anyways

"Some things in life you may regret, but it's already in the past, so why bother wasting time thinking about it now, just accept it, move on and embrace what youve got :)"

Sorry to dissapoint some of my fellow blog readers :P I will not blog for probably a week, so i guess thats it of my blogging everyday thingy. Not much to say, just excited for work experience :) but upset that i dont get to go zone athletics, was so looking forward to it as well :(

Nevertheless, im going to sorta finish my history so then i dont have to do it when i finish work experience, cyaaa love yu guysss ;)

"Some things in life make you laugh, sure, they may be stupid, but this is just fucken hilarious!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9acnkluvU

I can't believe how brave some people areee, what an inspiration LOL

"Im still here, dont turn back. You may not see it now, but I'll always be there right by your side. Things will change, life will go on, but you can count on me to be there. Don't worry, Im still here =)"

another end to the week!

So, I was just thinking..If someone told you something and you believed them, althought to some it may seem like the most obvious lie ever, yu still manage to look past this and believe them. Is it cs youre stupid or you simply just have trust in them?

I'm feeling UNDENIABLY happy today :) I dunno the reason, I dunno the cause, I just feel *sigh* relieved, for no particular reason whatsoever. But then again, why do yu need a reason to be happy! =)

For some perculiar reason, Im feeling on top of my game, currently at my peak of happiness. Never thought I'd hear myself saying that, but just right now, I feel proud. I feel proud of my happiness, it's not very often that you'll feel THIS happy. gosh

As Celine Dion says, a new day has come :) "hold on and dont shed a tear"

"Don't live your life trying to meet the expectations of others"

It's cos of this person, he/she made me realise whats been going on. I appreciate them a heck of a lot. Thanks :)

"Youre nothing short of my everything. :)"- Ralph Block

sounds cheesy, but meh

"A lot of things happen to you when youre not looking for it"- Taylor Swift

Wow, undeniably genius.

Thursday nights :)

"He may not seem perfect, but I beg to differ"

OMG?! I did my speech today finally, thats one thing thats now officially off my shoulders =)

"I believe confidence and nerves go hand in hand"

Ive never felt confident enough to stand in front of a group of people and just talk. Although they may not care or judge me, on the inside I just feel nervous and there are butterflies fluttering around inside my stomach that makes me sick. People may not see that, but trust me, Im not as confident or brave as you think I might be. After all, everyone has insecurities right? It's amazing and surpising, not only to myself, but I hope to others that I have seemingly become a bit more confident as I dont usually participate in a school leadership position let alone volunteer to make a presentation in class.

This sudden oomph of confidence, it feels strange, slightly unfamiliar but it feels nice :) gives me a sense of achievement, which I havnt felt in a long time. Some things in the past you cant change even if you wanted to, and Im thankful for that :) I wouldnt want to. Sitting here, thinking about random events that have happened in my life, it just puts a smile on my face :)

Can't wait til' work experience, I just cant wait!

Cyaaaa guys, I hope everyone can start to become more confident, If i can do it. so can yu guys, i believe in you:)

always seems like there's something in the way..

"That's a small step for a man, but one giant leap for mankind"

I could be wrong, this is totally just my take on this, and comparing these 2 things. It's not what exactly this quote means but :) okay so, i just wanted to say, taking one step or making one decision could be a major decision, it might seem small but to some it's a huge risk and takes a lot of confidence and effort to perform, even if some dont agree.

I admit I suck at making decisions, cs im scared of the outcome the final result, scared to find out about the ramifications if there are any. It takes a lot to make a choice, even if it seems simple. Who knows whats going to happen?

No one knows, thats the whole idea and concept of life. Who knows what life after death is? Is it even called life anymore? No one can be sure. Sometimes you will be proud of the decisions yu make, and yu will be happy with the fact that yu made the right choice. Sometimes the decisions yu make leave yu feeling weird, upset, but life continues :) Not everythings going to work out for everyone, but youre gonna have to accept what happens, fact of life.

Sounding contradictive? i know.

People can't tell yu youre wrong, cs theyre not yu, in their opinion it might be wrong, but it's up to yu to make the final choice and it's yur idea, so dont let anyone tell yu otherwise! Ive had people tell me things I didnt really wana hear or listen to, but didnt really have a choice, sure some have talked me out of doing things that I wanted to, choices that now I know I shouldve made myself..but it's already too late :)

Hasnt everyone fallen into the arms of peer pressure?

Hmm, whoever hasnt done anything because they were told to, or got influenced by sorten groups or people. WOW, like seriously wow, I wouldnt have thought. Not saying that all peer pressure if a bad thing, sometimes it can turn out great, considering the influences that they put on you.

Whenever youre about to make the move, youre about to take the first step, something seems to be in the way, not literally, but mentally, sometimes yu just doubt yurself, no matter how confident yu were before, one second can change everything. EVERYTHING! one word can change yur life, yur destiny, yur fate LOL sounds gay, but if yu think about it you'll understand.

Say guys for example, easiest example here. So, what if a guy asks yu out, and youre thinking about whether to say yes or no. 99% of the time yu will seek advice or opinions from close friends or family. okay maybe not so much family..but yeah. A simple yes or no answer could mean happiness or sadness for both of yu. If the answer is no, no doubt this will be hard to explain or even say in the first place. In your head you always try and picture the situation, and think of the best way to give them the answer..but yu need to understand that no matter what yu say, they will get hurt, if yu didnt get the answer yu wanted wont yu feel upset?

It's inevitable.

I remember wanting to have that special power, to be able to read people's minds. To be able to see through them, knowing what theyre thinking about. But, now when I think about it, maybe it's not so fun knowing what people are thinking all the time. The good and the bad. I dunno which one outdoes the other.

Mann, anavi and jasmine are the sweetest, happiest people ever. I love being around them, they just somehow make me forget about everything sad and I can just laugh non-stop when Im around them. Thanks heaps guyss :)

p.s. Guyss, if yu think I sound sad all the time on my blog, just trust me. Im not, there are just times when I need some things answered like everyone, even when they sound sad. Im sitting here happy =)

gosh suling, they arent that scaryyyy =) AHAHAAHAHAHA

sometimes yu need to stop and just listen

Once in a while, yu just need to stop focusing on yourself and try and help others around yu. I have 2 friends who are currently going through, or about to go through a tough decision, and Ive been there before, i wouldnt call it an experience, but I have my own opinion on the whole situation. The question is, should I or shouldnt I? Although i can give my opinion, I dont want them to just take my opinion, cs im dodgy, and yu cant take what i say TOTALLY SERIOUSLY!

Everyone's going to be at disco today, well some people, and im glad Im not going, not only is it not my type of fun event, but im tired, restless and I need to start doing work!
I didn’t think there was a definition for love, but when I see him, I think I just found one =) plus JESS IS COOL :P ROFLMAOOOOO
There's a message hidden in here somewhere in this blog :) thought it'd be fun, but if yu find out tell me..cs i want to see if someone can figure out what it says

letting go..?

Letting go..it's a hard thing to do. Im not strong enough to let go..

I think it takes a fair bit for someone to just let go, to just give up.

"Letting go doesn't mean that youre weak, it could mean that youre stong enough to let go" - anonymous


hmmm, idk..it's just the good times, the fun times, the moments we shared, i dont want them to go away. Every moment spent with you, is a moment well spent..

OH NO! Ive caught something! :O

AHAHAHA so they say laughter is contagious..i think so!

I wish i could give yu guys all some of my laughing right now? okay, i dont know what im on about..or what im trying to say, but im hoping yu guys will get it =)

I feel so happy, yet tired, i really should get to sleep..i think its the water, it has a weird effect on me, it makes me happy, for some reason i find the water sweet :S or maybe cs im so happy, everything just seems nice

MUAHAHAHAHAHA i love someone in particular ;) but who? no one will ever know =)

work experience..

everyone sed it was fun, i hope it is for me too :)

I CANT WAIT, not only is it a week of bludging school, i also get to hang out with my friends as well, especially louise ;) AHAHAHAHAHA
we're gonna have so much fun

Its going to be great, not only for me, and my work experiences buddies, but for everyone else, cs they dont have to see me or put up with me for a WHOLE week!
what lucky fellas, aha yes i just sed fellas = =

hmm byeeee guys :)

Im happy when I see a smile on your faceeee =)

AHAHAHA GOSH THATS CHEESY!

today was a pretty average day, no highs and no lows :) omg, caroline is so prone to getting hit, aha, poor thing..:(

Dont yu just get annoyed and bored of people telling yu to do something over and over again? Even tho, yu obviously dont want to do it, otherwise yu woulda already, but they just dont seem to get the point! OMG pats trying to set me up with eric = = its gonna be a massive fail, and i dont even like him..

Is it worth it, to see people happy, or try and make people happy, even tho youre not happy yourself? Well at least youre not selfish right..hmm idk :S

all these questions with no answers, there must be someone who can solve them

laughter gives yu stomach aches :)

In response to my previous blog, i forgot to say, to me, the obvious result is that love smashes flaws..

If someone came up to yu and asked for a bit of help, and yu couldnt help them, isnt it natural to get upset and think that youre useless? That happened to me today,this morning a man with a disability, he couldnt speak properly, came up to me at the train station to ask for help to figure out where to go.. I didn't know, and seeing him going around asking other people and them walking away from him cs he has a disability mad me upset, and im still thinking about it now..Im so angry at myself for not being able to help this man, and others didnt even try either. I even cried, i know, very dramatic, but things like that really make me upset, I even cry in movies, so why wouldnt i do this, this is at least real.

You know sometimes, yu do things, thinking to yurself that it would make yu happier, make yu forget everything bad, and make the people around yu happier as well. gosh, how many times was i wrong, not only are yu trying so hard to make this happen and failing, it just sucks....balls.

I wish everyone could be happy, sounds cheesy, but who doesnt..=) I cant believe i can still sit here everyday, staying strong to write a blog everyday. You would think i have better things to do than this, but i dont LOL.
just work, getting so lazy nowadays. not even funny. i think im failing in every subject, just not italian, even tho italians hardly that important anyways.

REMINDER TO SELF:
- concentrate in class
- do maths homework for once in my life!
- dont jig commerce LOL ankita

....thoughts on today

today was pretty fun, but OMFG i think i still need to learn how to read the times, as i was meant to get to parra at 10 but ended up there at 11. gosh, suling just kept calling me a noob = = but i insist i did read them properly......maybe?

pat is such a douche, i guess its true people have different tastes, gosh he's an idiot! ROFLMAOOOO :)

year one, is the freaking funniest movie ever ! okay, well not ever, but it made me cry, cry of laughter LOL me and ankita, i swear she is so loud, she doesnt even know it.

You know the feeling when yu see someone yu truly care about being bored/sad or what not? I get that..when theyre around yu they just seem like theyd rather be doing anything but be around yu. It hurts, but what can yu do..
You just so desperately wana make them feel better, but how do yu do that? where do yu start? I admit, that sometimes i might not show my emotions as much around certain people, and i guess only i know that. Im happy on the inside! gosh, just dont show it i guess..

Just wishing for him and everyone else to be happy! It always feels nice to have a nice laugh once in a while :) I reckon yu always have to be in the mood to laugh, i could be watching something really funny, but if i dont feel like laughing, nothing comes out, just silence. *boring , hmm so is my blog

bye guys xx

You know that tingly feeling...?

That tingly feeling, the feeling of butterflies fluttering around inside your stomach. Is that you showing signs of nervousness? hmm, i think so. I still remember that time i felt that, it was weird. I didnt know what was making me feel that, but i did. Don't yu just feel happy when yu know that someone else is feeling happy, to hear that someone hasnt had a laugh for a while, and finally did, just puts a smile on my face :) im happy for him/her. Not only was it a laugh, but a laugh that made them ROFLMAOOO aha, anyways.

its pretty early for me to be blogging today..
I had a nightmare last night, which made me lose my sleep, Im just hoping this wont affect me throughout the day, cs not enough sleep makes people moody and tired. Idk, this always happens. Its the start of a brand new day, and the end to a horrible night. So lets see how things turn out. I hope yu guys all have a great weekend. YAY zone athletics tomoro :) so excited, what a bludge ayee ;)

hope today is gonna turn out better than planned. AWESOME!

byee guys xx

love vs flaws?

not everyone will agree on the definition of love, cs theres a different meaning for everyone..

but for me, personally, i dont think i know what love is, never experienced it. sure, when i was a kid i used to go around saying that i loved a certain person, but now thinking back, i realise how stupid that was. so immature.

when yu like a person a lot, yu wont realise their flaws. or at least, if yu do notice, yu dont really care, or dont consider them "flaws" in the first place. its often these so called "flaws" that make yu like them in the first place.

byee guys xx blog later

.............:)

wow, today has been a good day, too good to describe in words :) thats good, considering i dont have many of these days AHAHAHA cs my blogs sound depressed all the time.

well, i listened to the song, you could be happy-snow patrol yesterday, and i saw this animation for it, gosh, it made me cry :( like srsly full teary, im such an emotional person.

cant wait til sunday now :) its going to be a short one for now, i just dont have much to say

byee guys xx

times ticking past

Ever felt like something always seemed to be missing? No matter how AWESOME yu sed your day was, yu just have this feeling it could be better..

It's hard to want something so badly, yet not want it at the same time. Maybe its the fact that yu dont have it, which makes yu just want to try a tad harder to get that, but might lose interest after yu actually do get it. To say that i dont want it at all is a lie, but so do others. Would it be selfish to hold onto something that could possibly be yours, knowing that others want it more than yu?

what would yu do? No matter the outcome, someone will benefit and someone will go home feeling upset and beaten up. It sucks, knowing that you can change all of this, instead of others going through that feeling, when yu can handle it better than others, should yu just drop it..should yu just give it up?

Who knows whats going to happen? cs i dont..

thinking clearly?

hey guys :)

everyone keeps on telling me about how much ive been blogging lately LOL
i feel as tho, blogging has become my friend, aha, sounds sad i know aye = = ROFLMAOOOO!

hmm, so what do i have to say this time?
Was pretty tired today, which could probably explain my extremely bad mood..when im tired i get pretty moody, plus it was raining.

only louise knows how the rain affects me. when its sunny im happy, when its raining im in a shit mood. thats how it works for me. pretty stupid i know.
well, my bad mood plus me thinking about stupid stuff doesnt really make it any better today. Im always thinking about the same thing, constantly, EVERY SINGLE DAY! people are getting sick of it, but im sick of it too.

"The situation isn't complicated, you're just making it complicated. It's so simple. It's easy to solve. Why are you putting yourself through this? No one else is making it hard for you, it's just yourself" - A REALLLY WISE PERSON SAID TO ME :)

I swear i have problems everyday, but when i think back, i realise how freaking stupid they are. im such a drama queen, theyre so pointless, but ive realised whats happening now. NOTHINGS GONNA STOP ME NOW! :)

goals to achieve:
- get 90s in a maths test
- get fit n healthy :)
- learn how to wink ;)
- AHAHAHAHA learn how to sing properly (if thats even possible)
- shall find a new awesome song to get obsessed with lol

cya guys, i know i'll probably blog later anyways byeee :)

28th blog :)

wow, ive been blogging so much lately, its kinda weird
it's kinda become part of my daily routine, i just do it everyday, it has become a must!

For some reason, i cant go to sleep yet. there's something on my mind, but i dont know what it is. im trying to figure it out, but my head just starts hurting..please jess, just figure it out, so yu can have a good nights rest :)

its funny tho, i was REALLY tired like 10 minutes ago, but now, im like wide awake, watching youtube vids and bloggind at this exact moment.

things to learn how to do:
- have to learn how to wink properly ;)
- have to master sworaaz's faces (AHAHAHA SERA! :) )
- get more sleep, cs im always too lazy to get out of bed
- smile more, cs it means im happy :D
- try to stop complaining about my life, like right now :S

i have this weird obsession with weird stuff. i like veins :) AHAHAHA sounds so creepy and stupid, but they look cool..i like bruises :)

hopefully mr wilcox wont choose me to do my english presentation on friday, so then it'll mean i wont have to do it til next thursday or something, most likely :)
im kinda nervous but excited, i kinda really wana do it, but i know i'll get scared when the time comes.

night guys xx SWEETDREAMS :)

mixed emotions

hey guys :)

was just feeling today, a bad of mixed emotions..okay, it sounds weird, but basically im trying to say, yu know how when youre feeling 2 completely different emotions at the exact same time?! weird huh? like, yu could be happy but sad at the same time. maybe you ARE happy, but there's just something stopping yu from being that happy, which makes yu sad? not implying that im sad or whatever, but like sometimes yu just cant help but feel 2 completely different ways.

okay well, i was thinking of these guys..i have no idea why, but i was wondering..does your body determine how hot yu are? does looks REALLY matter?
some say yes, some say no. i just think the people who say yes are more honest than the ones that say no. yu know that they do care, up to an extent..like, who would go out with an ugly person right? its just people have different ideas on who's ugly and who's hot in their minds. no one's right or wrong, we just all have different views :)



for example..some chicks or guys haha, wuld think that this guy has a hot body, like he's tank and all, like really tank. but to some, like me. i think its too much..but thats honestly just my opinion. no one has to agree with me, but doesnt mean im wrong. I remember I used to think that Chad Michael Murray and Channing Tatum were SOOO FREAKING HOT I'D JUST DIEE FOR THEMMMM :) *drools *blushes
but now, since im getting older, maybe im just getting over them. or i realised i can NEVER get them :( AHAHAHA how sad man





I know what it feels like to be jealous of what someone else has.. I wish i had that body, hair, clothes, intelligence, personality, friends, popularity, GUY. All these factors are the things that determine how happy you are.
I used to go on diets, study, try being someone else im not, just to please everyone and myself. If i cant convince myself, what makes me think I can convince others to believe in this "new" me, that even i cant accept. now, that ive had my good friends help me, i have come to the realisation that im fine with myself. diets make me hungry LOL not being able to eat the food yu enjoy, i cant do that AHAHAHA seraaa :)

CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH BROKEN STRINGS ;)

formals coming up :) and im sure everyone's gonna try and look their best :) maybe to impress someone ;) LOL although there's no point me really getting dressed up, im still going to anyways :) cs what girl doesnt want to look nice on a special day?
WHAT TO WEAR? WHAT TO WEAR? WHAT TO WEAR? :S
im so looking forward to this and my work experience :) but thats one week i wont be able to see someone for :'( LOL cheer up jess :) yes, im talking to myself = =

what a tiring night?!

well its only 10:27pm, but it feels later than that..idk, im just so exhausted and tired..even tho i havnt done shit today. srsly
was gonna start doing history, but that didnt turn out so well. the furthest i got was to turning the page. gosh. whats happening to me.

I remember coming home, feeling dead and somewhat annoyed, emotional :S
but now, im currently feeling better, and ready for another good nights rest. its so cold nowadays, but luckily my lovely mummy bought me a electric blanket :)
which means no more cold nights for moi! :)

Q: What do pirates throw over the side of their ship?
A: GARRRRRRRRrrrrrrbage

so bored, that i decided to look up pirate jokes. man, our maths class is weird, freaking weird maths pick up liness..only nerds would get :) AHAHAHA
so well i got 89% in 2 unit and 72% in 3 unit. pretty dissapointing, but i will try harder next time :)

they say, what doesnt kill you doesnt hurt you right..mmhmm not so much. i wish :(
alright guys, shall curl up into my bed with my electric blanket :D night guys, love yus all xx

WHAT A HOTTIE! ;)

Isn't he just so hot, *drools LOL i have now found a new crush ahahaha :)

friends with benefits ;)

AHAHAHAHA wow, im pretty slow :(

cant believe in the span of 2 weeks or less, there have already been 2 new couples on the block :)

im so happy, so happy for all 4 of them :) its just so cute. dont yu just love people who love each other?

its so freaking cute, but it just makes me think i have no one :( LOL loneeerrrr..
ah so sad, but who cares, not me :) gees im so contradictive lol.


OH OH OH ! AHAHAHA if yu head it backwards its HO HO HO! anyways, that wasnt what i was gonna say, just realised that..
yu know when people tell yu to do something? and yu know in yur head that they are right, but somehow yu just cant seem to do it? i get that feeling, constantly being told he's not the one for yu, even i dont know what it is that makes me like him, but it's "something" when i figure it out it'll be good, so then i actually know AHAHAHAHA = = so gay

5:43 pm

hmm, again with the time's, i swear sounds like im doing this on purpose but srsly arent = =...sometimes just the littlest things in life can make yu happy? :)

why is it that one person can change your day? it can be from awesome to not so great, or from ordinary to best day of your life! i guess its just another one of those things that you'll never understand.

You know how they say your close friends, can always tell what youre thinking, or they can sense when youre feeling down. hmm, im not sure..not only are some people hard to read but sometimes the person themselves dont even know when theyre feeling down :( but one things for sure, yu can always count on yur friends to cheer yu up :)

why is it that im so weak? on the inside i feel strong, i feel like a man, a man with a dream, LOL okay, im gonna stop with that. i know what i want, yet its not gonna make a difference.. It's worser knowing what yu want and not being able to get/achieve it. it hurts cs yu have a goal, yu have an idea. but that idea will never come true. whats a girl suppose to do? :S

omg, so freaking scared today..was so scared of having to present my english, cs its honestly shit..and i cant speak in front of people. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN! :)

You know how sometimes, someone walks past yu, or yu look at them and they just put a smile on your face :) a smile so wide, that after yu mouth starts to hurt. ive had that before. whenever yu see them, they just make yu feel all tingly inside, literally like butterflies flying around inside of yu..feels weird, but nice at the same time.

Ever gotten so angry at someone that yu just let it all out, without even realising? ..i guess everyone has. sometimes its not what they say, but because its the person who says it. it just makes all the difference. its not even what they sed was that bad, its just yu dont like them judging yu, or placing their opinions on yu. you dont want them to feel that way about yu, which is why yu get so upset..

promise to self:
Dear Jess,
i hope everyday yu just continue to have a smile on your face,
and once in a while just have a laugh,
with someone, at someone or even at yourself :)
just remember, if youre happy
so will everyone else, cs they dont have to deal with your shit :)
not that i have much...lol that wasnt meant to be gross btw = =
*just for some guys who were like ewwwwwww f off :) naah kidding

cant wait til sunday,
i shall organise another movie date :) AHAHAHAHA
i srsly need to get better at planning, cs im failing
TERMINATOR 2 :)

i will blog again later :)
even tho ive sed that so many times, but never done so quite yet :(

10:10 pm

AHAHAHA what great timing, its currently 10:10 pm and my bday's on the 10/10 LOL im so cool..

today has been a good day :) sera is the best person to make your life that much more happier. even tho she always gives me the sworaaz face, cs she thinks im cracking a joke when im not. LOL douche - -
but i love her :P

well, im currently working on my english presentation still..:(

You know when you start growing physically? and yu can see the changes, the shoes and clothes that you dont fit into anymore. the things you used to love, and the new found loves, but something still feels the same?
LOL it doesnt make sense, but im sure we have all been through that..remember those times that people called yu a kid, even tho somehow yu felt like yu were mature? someone constantly telling yu to grow up...to start behaving like yur age. but a part of yu is just like no, or yu already feel like yu are :)

arent yu sick of the people telling yu that they hate blogspot? but then theyre like, oh i'll read yours later. WTTTFFFF that doesnt make any sense to me, so just shut up :) AHAHAHAHA *yu know who you are = ="

who doesnt wish they could take back the past? who doesnt want to know what's going to happen in the future? who hasnt wished they had some sort of magical power? LOL, i know that somethings you just cant take back, and it'll always be stuck in the past, but yu still have this urge to want to change it and yu think that the more yu try, maybe there's a better chance of it coming truee. thats stupid, as they all say. but it still doesnt stop me from thinking that. :)

everyone's entitled to their own opinions right? hmmm. and this blog has taken me a fair while to finish, as im a nerd and a good girl ive been finishing/practicing my speech in front of an audience LOL

gotta go sleep soon night guys xx

people and their differences

I recently read princeseraaa's blog, and it says stuff about how people reckon blogspot is shiet. but whatever srsly, people have their own opinions. Personally, i love blogspot, it just makes me feel relieved and stuff when i say stuff on it. lol

anyways, my cousins came over today. it was surprisingly nice. yu know sometimes yu just get that feeling, that youre getting older, and you just dont get along with your cousins as much anymore, cs youre too old for them. althought im still quite a kid myself =)

i stayed up til like 2 this morning doing my english, gosh, im so dedicated LOL

i thought i had heaps to say but i really dont right now, my brain just feels like mush, so when i think of stuff i want to say then i'll say it.

byee guys, blog later :)

wow, its been a week already

since this day, one week ago..i decided to do something that i thought was right, but wrong at the same time. i thought that by doing this it would remove all the baggage and make me happier..i dont know if that worked out lol.

i feel pretty much the same, a mixture of good and bad days, which im sure is the same as everyone else. i know it sounds stupid to say, im just gonna take everyday, a step at a time, day by day and see how everything works out, im not gonna look forward to anything or plan anything, so im open to surprises and change.

mmhmmm, everyone says that..ah, so it doesnt make me any smarter or special haha. but still, thats what i shall do, take days as it comes, tbh, a day cant be bad, if yu didnt expect it to be good right?

pretty or beautiful?

AHAHAHA okay well firstly this is pretty random...i was watching this youtube video, and it just sounded so nice and like made me feel good..

so whats the difference the chick from youtube says. + a bit of my translation :P

basically it's:

"Everyone can be pretty, but not everyone can be beautiful! :)" wow, thats really good. plus reasonings as well..
becos pretty is more a physical outer shell, like body, face etc. but beauty is more the WHOLE package, like including your soul and stuff..
have no idea if this is making any sense..

its more important to feel good about yourself than to put on a fake "YOU"? the fine line between confidence and egoism? lol, i dont think thats a word, but hopefully yu guys get what i mean :) surely, people can fake confidence, some people can see through it, but depends on how far yu go, yu sometimes end up hurting other people'd confidence in the process, or often come across too strong, and leads to becoming egotistic..hmm, my choice, idk.

different people's perceptions of your character can really hurt yu, like even if yu often dont take notice in that moment of time, yu will often find yurself thinking over it agen right? or is it just me..lol. it's like me saying that i dont care anymore and i wont think about what others say, but in the back of my mind thats EXACTLY what i'll be doing. is that a crime?

AHAHAHAHA louise, we better go shopping :)even tho im very very broke..

who believes in once a liar always a liar? i guess i do sorta, like in the back of my head agen, like sometimes sarcasm can be taken as lying..ah idk. this isnt making any sense to anyone, except for me..well practically im trying to say..trying to re-word this for yu guys :)

by saying one lie, or being sarcastic once, yu can lose people's trust, they will no longer believe anything yu say, or will be too confused to know whether its the truth or not. the feeling of someone not trusting yu hurts, im sure everyone's been through that. no matter HOW FREAKING HARD YOU TRY AND CONVINCE THEM THEY WONT FUCKEN BELIEVE YOU! doesnt it just piss yu off sometimes? i guess in a way yu did deserve it.
LOL btw im in a really happy mood, so dw im not emo, pissed or watever :)

birthdays!

was just thinking again! yeah i know, i think a fair bit aye lol

well, yu know how birthdays symbolise like yur existance and stuff? if someone doesnt know your bday does it mean that they dont know yu exist? :S
haha, maybe things dont work that way..

so tired of getting told what to do, even tho yu know yu should do it. lol, gees dont i like to complain! sed i wasnt going to, but look at me goooooooo..
english is due in 2 days and im still writing this blog instead of doing that, why have i become so lazy..

i cant explain,
just looking at the time, i remember i used to get so happy when i went to sleep at 12:34am lol, how stupid is that. i just thought it was special, cs i didnt plan on going to sleep at that time, but it just happened, gosh shut up jess

13th JUNEEE ! ;)

alright guys, its the 13th, i think thats a lucky number....for some lol.

yeah louise, i had a pretty boring day as well. i think its cs i woke up early, so i felt sleepy. anyways,
well, i went btown today, thinking that i was gonna get a fair bit done, but oh my doesnt time just fly. god, cant believe i just sounded like a fag = =
whoever wants to see i love you man, STOP! think about it, cs to me it was shit..like really shit, ive never actually slept in a movie before becos it was that shit, just felt like a waste of time..and yeah just dont watch it, i warned yu guys :)

even tho i sed it was a boring day, i have to admit that it would've been better than doing english, although now i will have to do that as well with lesser time = =" gees wasnt that stupid, im sure it coulda been worse tho, but bcos someone went, i just felt a little better..:)

AHAHAHA..well while i was in the shower, i have no idea why i was thinking about this, but like the people who look strong on the inside, are usually the weakest on the inside..crying isn't a sign of weakness, it could mean that youre strong? does that even make any sense?! ah louise would get me..

man, i cant remember the last time i went out with louise, on a proper bestie outing lol, srsly why do i sound like such a faggot. hmm, so during the movie, i cant believe those 2 words were mentioned..like full randomly.

"GIVING UP DOESNT ALWAYS MEAN YOURE WEAK, IT COULD MEAN THAT YOURE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET GO! " wow, doesnt that help,

regret? what is it? hmm, i was just wondering, yu know how everyone regrets stuff..how can yu exactly stop yurself from regretting something? cs how do yu know you'll regret it until it happens. they say you learn from yur mistakes..but how do yu? maybe yu dont believe its a mistake and even if everyone disagrees, yu still manage to stand by yur decision and believe everything yu did was right.
i get that, do yu? there's one thing i regretted doing, or at least i thought, but when i think about it more..it's not really worth regretting, sure maybe it was a waste of time as some say, but how are they meant to judge, theyre not me, they wouldnt understand the feeling.

that "feeling" can be the best thing in the world yet the worst thing in my life, how is that so? i cant answer that either, if there were answers to everything, wouldnt that make life simpler? lol idk..if that world was that simple wouldnt it be boring? some people spend their lives looking for answers, looking high, looking low, they find enjoyment out of doing things like that, how come i dont?

the feeling of waiting for that one answer, im just not strong enough or brave enough to take it, sometimes i'd rather just imagine the answer but not getting told..just pretending or even lying to myself just to get that tingly butterfly feeling out of my stomach!

oh enough of all this crap, this is boring me out and im sure yu guys as well
HAPPY BIRHTDAY SHARON! she's so cuteee ;)
love yu and others xx

last day of the week

hey guys, its the time of the day agen, my AWESOME blog :)

okay, so a few things from sytycd today, *sytycd=so you think you can dance btw* i saw this lady on it, who had some disease thing, which was very upsetting for me for some reason, i thought i could feel the pain, when obviously i couldnt.. im so lucky for what i got, and i'll try not and complain anymore about certain things that are pointless, i mean at least im healthy and in good condition :)

then there was this guy on it, who did such a meaningful dance, his aunty had past away, and he used the umbrella as a symbol for his aunty and saying how its similar as his aunty is covering over him and looking after him, just like that umbrella :) it was so sweet and cute, i could have bawled my eyes out. :'(

2 words that will bug me for the rest of my life, i knew she told me cs she was trying to help, and me saying that everything was fine, but now the more i think about it, it DOES bug me, as much as i try and convince myself that im finee and shit, its just not working, "the one", how do yu know?! just ah, im over it :) LOL

i guess its just one of those moment things that i dont understand, and that i really just wana scream, but when i think about it, i should really get over it, cs i sed so plus i made a promise to myself.

thanks guys again, for reading my blog
LOL love yu guys heaps xx

wow 15th :)

....i SOOO cant believe this is my 15th post already, and should i say, i havnt left anyday out yet so far, how very proud i am of myself ;)

well, i went to the plaza today and YES i bought clothes again, maybe im the type of person who just CANT save, no matter how hard they try...:S
well now to what i bought:
a grey jacket :) (im so obsessed with jackets lately, bought 4 or 5 this week :0 )
a cream coloured cardigan (gosh, they make me feel so cosy and warm inside :P )
2 belts
and leggings, the shiny type, they feel so nice, LOL
ive just been feeling my legs the whole time, sounds weird, but nice :)
man, i cant say LOL without thinking of LOLFISH nowww :( gosh pat, why didnt yu stop me, yu knew curiosity would get to me, and it prevailed, yu won, im scarred for life now, HOPE YOURE HAPPY! aha

curiosity? doesnt it just happen to everyone, sometimes yu find things out that are oh so very nice :) but sometimes they can be SOO BAD, they'll make yu upset, angry, pissed etc. JUST BAD, yu guys get my drift :)

GOSH BROKEN STRINGS IS SO MY SONG!! ;) im directing this at someone, yu know who you are if youre reading this LOL..man, i cant stop listening to this song, it just makes me feel nice but sad at the same time, such a meaningful song :)

shopping makes me feel better, maybe i am a shopoholic LOL, even on my worst days shopping can cheer me up, if i have money that is..AHAHAHA! window shopping isnt that bad, okay i should shut up about shopping, probably boring a heap of yu guys :P

still making plans for saturday, making it AWESOME and inviting everyone to just relax, shoot some people :)

i found out something today, im so happy for them :) kinda obviously probably, but its soo cutteeee :) i love it when i see people laughing, smiling, HAPPY :)

this week has been great so far, i hope it continues :) i cant wait til work experience, i get to spend a whole week with my buddies ALONE ;) AHAHAHAHA naah kidding, but it'll be funny, stupid etc etc. just fun :)

blog later, cs i feel like blogging today :)
love ya guys, ta xx

10/6/09

alright, 4 months til my bday :)
AHAHAHAHA i realised that in maths today, omg, cs its maths = =" i just realised that LOL anyways,

school is so quite, without suling and cla and kat and gels and janine and so forth
i cant wait til its my turn to go work experience with my buddies :) ESPECIALLY LOUISE :D

so, i got home today, went online and vj starts talking to me, at first i thought it was weird, then he started calling me fat and sed he hated me. Me being me, i thought it was a joke and kept on LOL-ing but, then he kept talking and saying mean stuff, so i had no idea if he was kidding NO MORE :(

does saying sorry really make a difference? i guess it depends on the person..

oh gosh, from now on, i think i need to get fitter, physical fitness is so S-H-I-T its not even funny..touch was so tiring for me, i dont see how the other girls do it, and this is only the first time, imagine doing it EVERY WEEK! maybe its the fact i havnt done proper sport for like 7 weeks! okay maybe like 3 or 4 but still heaps

this whole saving money plan, is so not working out, why did i decide to save when it's stocktake, im so NOT a genius :( but ah well, i think i'll just use everything and then after i shall save :)

okay, now for the exams. apparently i got 70% for commerce, people in my class says its good, but honestly its just crap, yeah dont even try me.. maths test today was alright i guess, ive been studying for it, and i will be devastated if i dont beat the last test :( i studied my butt off and even sacraficed a few shopping trips just for it. BIG DEAL FOR ME OKAY!

whats the point of a blog? it's for someone to vent everything, or just share their day and emotions with whoever wants to read it, dont read it and complain srsly, if someone was having a bad day, you would make it worse and if they were having a good day, yu woulda ruined it. sometimes maybe keeping opinions to yourself is better and nicer. WE ALL NEED THAT ONCE IN A WHILE :)

my blogs are getting longer each time, i dont understand why, nm really happens in my life. currently feeling happy, ive let everything go now and im just gonna focus on studies, cs idk why LOL

love you guys xx

another day, another blog :)

today was an alright day, LOL i went home at 2, cs i was planning on studying one hr more than everyone else in my class, but faillleeeddd :( lmao.

everyone always says "Don't worry about it, it's in the past, just focus on the future!"
well, duh, obviously yu cant do anything about it, thats why we moan and groan, cry and fake laugh etc. seriously, i mean if we could change it, do yu think we'd be freaking complaining ! LOL so hypocritical, cs this is me. i say this to people, people say it to me. i hate it, but i love it at the same time. i mean, at least theyre wasting their time, TRYING to cheer you up and make yu feel better. :)

yu know that feeling? the feeling of certainty, that yu know what youre doing is right and youre 100% sure of that, and no one or anything could ever even make yu hesitate for a second? that used to be me, but now, im so unsure of he road ahead of me, i think i need a guide, a guide to take me on a tour around this place called life.

if only it wasnt me who had to be the one making decisions, cs im so bad at making them. I even got a coin to help me decided whether i should go somewhere or not. I cant survive, im so lost, physically and mentally LOL put me somewhere and ask me to find the way home, guess what? you'll never see me return home EVER!
i am one lost case :)

i guess the only good thing, is that i know i have friends that will help me find the way and guide me back home. home*stands for something else geniuses out there ;)

OHHHH and i had my maths test today, i think i did alright surprisingly :) i dont want to get too hyped, just in case it turns out shit. just need to beat caroline by 10% :S seems like a big ask i know :) but but but, english results came back and i got shit, and like literally SHIT 61% :) ah, im such a fob, wouldnt be surprised if there were spelling mistakes in thisssssssss! oh well, wouldnt really be complaining if thomas and jafar didnt beat me = = im so happy for louise, she's done so good in everything so far :) i love yu love, AHAHAHAHAH get it? okay, im just too nerdy to actually say funny jokes, even when im trying..

anyways, one test down, one more to go tomoro, the final and massive one :D gosh, im sorta pumped, i wana do better this time to prove to people i can do it.

even tho things change everyday, some things just dont change that easily, i know, hard to understand but true. if that made any sense whatsoever. gosh guys, this is a long one. honestly, i love blogging becos sera got me into it and me and louise read each others blogs all the time, its like what we do when we cant talk to each other, we just know when each other are gonna blog! :L AHAHAHA not really, but this is for louise :)


alright, byee guys, 3 unit tomoro :)

dear jess

Dear Jess,

you are strong and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, this goes for everyone else too..:)

gosh, i love my life :D

long weekend

hey guys,

so return home today, and i realise it's a monday. yeah i know, took me that long to realise, AHAHAHAHA im such a noob :)

anyways, i need to ring louise now and thomas keeps telling me to study, so i figured i should!

alright, love yu guys
p.s. i dont think my so called plan is going very well, keep thinking about him ARRRGGGHHHHH i bet this is gonna fail.....miserably :(

before the night ends

okay, since ive decided to post a new blog up everyday, i cant let this end, since there's only 10 mins left, and idk what to say, but have to fit this in before the night ends..and im just thinking and typing at the same time and there are so many mistakes, i have no idea what to say.

OKAY so here it goes..
well i went to louise's and daniels house today, was pretty fun i guess :) but i hang out with sharon the most, gosh i love her.

I cant thank yu enough for today louise, i just let everything out, the best way to cure thoughts is to go on a walk through a park/place where you havnt been before and just write everything out..LITERALLY

okay well, its been one day or to be more precise, 23hrs and 40 mins since ive decided to give up on him, is it working, im not quite sure tbh LOL, its too early to tell, but i know if i keep thinking about it then i wont :) so, lets stop now
i'll tell yu guys how it goes. but i wrote this out to myself today in the dirt, AHAHAHAHA dear jess: you are strong :) at least im going to try and be in the near future starting from today.

GOSH I LOVE LOUISE you are awesome, and thanks for everything yu did. im sorry how i dont tell yu stuff sometimes, i just dunno how to say it :( ily

okay before the night is finished, lets publish this goody :)

night guys xx blog tomoro maybe..wait i have to, to continue my streak